So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we're making bets on your personal life
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
