I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize