Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
