Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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