she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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