This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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