i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize