i was born a porn star she said
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
