My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
