Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
