im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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