and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I FOUND THE LEGS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
