I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
