i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
