I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
