Dual....:-)
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
