I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think my vagina is haunted
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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