If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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