She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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