White coat. Heels.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
