I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
