can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The air taste purple.
Randomize
