Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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