It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
