she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You left your phone here
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