This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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