shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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