i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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