I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
