This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
