I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
