A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
