Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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