He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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