haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
