If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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