giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
