i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
