yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
