you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
