The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
