Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize