So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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