can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
