Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
