my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize