She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
