Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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