Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize