Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
