just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
