Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize