forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
