a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
