I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
