I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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