do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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