at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
