I look better un-naked...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
