i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
