i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
