Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
