he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she woke up with a sticky ear
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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