So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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