Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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