Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They have beer where we have blood.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize