Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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