who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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