Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
