i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
