While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
