we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
