I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
