where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
