I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
