Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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