YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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