she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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