Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
